Sunday, 29 April 2012


So I am standing infront of her, almost speechless because I am afraid that if I open my mouth, the words may not come out right, she looks at me and says "baby its ok, talk to me" .. So I decide to speak up and this came out "I love you and I won't even deny it or fight the feeling. Everytime I think of my life and what I want in few years from now, I can almost picture you holding my hand, standing next to me and saying "baby we made it". You are my life force, my everything. You are the orbit my world revolves around, you are the source of my happiness and in you lies my true happiness. And whenever I am far away from you, it feels like the longest winter in my world and how much I crave for a little sunlight. You hold a lighter to my dark heart, You light up my world. You make me fall inlove with you everytime. And when I am holding you close, I never want to leave you. Some part of me hopes you stay in my life for always. I fell inlove with you and made you my bestfriend. You bring out the best in me. You are a fighter and a rider, fight to save me from myself and stay with me even when I become less than my best. You are and would always be my.... Oh shit, my alarm goes off, I open my eyes and realize it was all a dream

Saturday, 28 April 2012

My Day

So my day did not go too bad at all. I missed my train like 3 times before I got on the right one. 1st train I missed, I was still in the bathroom trying to convince myself I needed to make the trip from my county to another county. Finally made up my mind and decided to call a cab that did not show up on time. On my way to the train station, I missed another train and on getting to the train station, I absolutely forgot about buying a new ticket because I assumed I had a return ticket somewhere in my back pack. I off loaded every item in search of the holy grail (my assumed return ticket) and I came up with nothing. I decided to give up the search and purchase a new ticket, which of course I did, trying to beat time. And for the third time I missed my train. The strangest thing about this, I did not even get upset about this. Finally I got on what seemed to be the forth train for the day that I almost missed because I was buying coffee and ham/cheese panini. I get on the train and then this loud woman comes to sit next to me smelling of ginger, garlic and a lot of different cooking seasoning. For half an hour, I felt like I had walked into a traditional Asian kitchen. So I packed what was left of my almost extinct man balls and changed my seat, 2hrs with her???? No way. The only available sit had this pretty brunette with blue eyes smiling right at me. For a moment, the true african child in me came to life, I was totally flustered. I could have sworn I blushed a bit, which ofcourse I know black people can not blush because our skin is too dark. She says hi before I put my flat bum on the seat and I replied hi back. Talked throughout the journey but we did not ask about our names, take phone numbers or exchange pins and emails. We just talked. I have never laughed so loud. The conversation had to be the most intelligent conversation I have had in awhile. We had brief moments where would look at each other and just smile for no reason and while I was still enjoying my semi brief moment In paradise, I hear this on the PA: we are now approaching our final destination. And just like that, we went our separate ways with no names or any medium to communicate. In all, it was a good day after all.

Friday, 27 April 2012

How? Why? When?

How did we get to this part, like really? it is funny how things just suddenly change without warning. for some reason you realize that you have lost a part of her that you may never get back. everything has changed from the way she looks at you to the way she calls out your name, how you cuddle up on the bed and now at different ends. how your kisses made her weak and now she cant stand the taste of your lips. you wish you could rewind it to that night the tension started and erase all of it. too many second chances and you have used them up. how did you lose her??? one moment you wish the time you are spending with her never ends and the next  you are desperately praying time flies to a new day. it took her two weeks to fall in love with you and you did not do anything to enable that happen, so you don't believe you can lose that same love by doing anything and its the same nothing you ended up with, her feeling nothing. 
She was supposed to be the one, the girl that would make you fall in love, the one you would drop all your acts for to become something better. She was supposed to be the love of your life; she was supposed to be girl of your dreams.  She was suppose to carry your heart safely inside hers, she was suppose to get all your love and give you more in return. The same person you would give everything up for without thinking twice, the girl you brag to your friends about and get the love of your family for. The girl you take to the movies and wouldn't mind crying in front of her if you saw a movie that was emotional.
She was the idea of a perfect relationship even when you were certain that no such thing as perfection exist. You planned a lifetime with her and never considered spending time without having her in your life.
You still have her in your life.. not for always, just on borrowed time and that just fucking sucks! THE END!


What if we truly get what we always wanted and do not know how to deal, appreciate or accept it. Honesty and trust they say are the fundamental things that make life less of a roller coaster ride, i have always fought against lies and secrets because they hurt the people we love but what if we tell lies and keep secrets just to protect the people we love because if we tell the truth they might trust us less or reveal secrets they might freak out and not know how to handle it. What if our greatest purpose was to sacrifice ourselves for the people we love and they have no clue of what we had to go through to keep them smiling. I would always want it all… joy, fame, happiness, love and peace of mind but every time we search and think we have found it, it always elude us and that leaves me thinking… do we really get it all. So many happy memories of the past, why cant the present be like that. They say in order to enjoy life, you have to constantly live forward, no ties with the past and your present/future is all that matters… what if your past makes so much sense and you wish to go back or it seems so much betr than the present…. Everything that once meant much do not seem to matter at all, even the simple things that makes life blessed seems far fetched. Was it all make believe? where did it go wrong? At the end we still eventually become lonely, alone with our thoughts, that constant insatiable desire to want more, something incredible! The past just seems far more entertaining but we still have to constantly live forward and embrace the boredom that comes with growing up.