The love below...
Oh
the sweet smell of salvation from a distance; with the mystical powers
possessed by the heightened human senses, I had an epiphany of my future
liberation. But just like the sense of smell I wasn’t so sure how long it’ll
last while busy trying to ascertain the pinpoint direction.
I was perplexed, having
never seen something so alive, couldn’t curb my enthusiasm as I saw you walk
down the corridors and made it straight for me or so I thought before realising
I was standing right in front of your room door.
Just like a
revelation, she unfolded as the laminating power of light splashed on her face
like a waterfall. She was beautiful and had an aura so strong it was like I
never used cologne before, just then and there I knew it, there was something
about this girl that could light up my world, split seconds passed like months
as I tried not to look too much at you. Well, on the ironic it was her friend
that caught my eyes coincidentally. Getting acquainted was like a rush of blood
to the head because it made me so weak I thought I was going to faint.
Time seemed to move
slowly as I got acquainted with every friend of a friend within a 20-mile
radius. Interest on the other girl was striking me all up but deep within I
knew who I would rather be caught dead having around me. Time went by and I got
more into the rat race game not knowing that sooner than I thought destiny
struck and we had an argument that caused the most renowned cold war yet
Yes! My chance had
come to reveal myself explicitly to the one person I have thought of more than
my family. My new love interest and divine incarnate of my very own all-purpose
mind.
How did I ever screw that
up? Answer: I was afraid, knowing it was my sole purpose to push
away the things I loved so that I never feel guilty about living a morally
unstable but yet fulfilling life, making myself believe that I was alone in the
world and love from anybody besides myself was highly overrated.
How could I ever deserve
her? Answer: truth is, I did not hence recent truth unfolded. The
truth they say is like time, it hurts (freakishly excruciating) but it will
always speak (volumes). Well that was how I solved the mystery behind sitting
down with the help of Smirnoff vodka, red bull and One republic’s Waking up
album playing in the background wondering how the fuck did I get a lifetime of
black chocolate raindrops (most times bitter but has more addictive aura, over zealous
impediment to quit and check myself into rehab) falling cats and dogs all
around me and I limited myself to the little spill (thank God for purposeless,
multidirectional wind) along the way, simply because of my good status modality
with full option umbrella protection and emotional defence system.
The upside of
conditional love (the remission)
I was reckless and
foolish; perfection was motivation, anger, romance, power, needs, wants, and
compatibility. How could someone want so many things all at once? Were the
candy raindrops not enough? Or was I just looking for heaven in an angel. I
blew it! I built this fortress around me and made it difficult for you to get
in because I was afraid you would one day realise that I didn’t deserve you. I
was weak, defensive but in love
Nonetheless, I was sorry
for trying to underestimate your love or over estimate your tolerance (when I
know your just human). For defending my love when I know it was only your love
that could exonerate me for breaking your heart, for making you cry, lying,
wining and dinning with one or two, getting high and fighting, rewinding time
and predicting a selfish future just for u.
I don’t deserve you
or your love.. I fell short as opposed to your care and I’m brutally behind the
line with your accommodation and appreciation of my effortless pseudo-zeal to
love u.
God gave you to me as my
very own guardian angel and ever letting you go is a product of my depreciation
for God and His purpose for my life. I should have been the man but instead I
chose to be the god and i wasn’t even remotely immortal (who does that?). I
became indifferent towards your feelings for no justifiable reason, undermining
that one of the roles of a real man is to serve and please his woman.
I was not a perfect
man.. I try but I haven’t lived in this world order before not even a dejavu. I
was agitated, afraid of commitment and intensely emotional in more ways than necessary.
It felt like immaculate nature had its boundaries on me, getting all your love
and care like that (I often go like ''mi otipoju'). Every mistake is a solved
puzzle to your uncertain but purposeful destiny. In the spirit of these words I
sincerely unfold, I am not good enough for you and you appear almost faultless.
But I thank God that He still let me get the experience.
The ironic chronicles
(hype and demise)
"For
everything under the sun, there is a time and a season, a time to sow..." I
will live my fragile life and make sure I don’t burn the bridges that led me to
you. The day I feel like I deserve you alongside my utterly crumbling world of
pride, I will tell the world what it felt like to be loved by you. If I never
get the feeling then I would augment to that theory; what it feels living for
the love of you and doing it all wrong because of ignorance and unwillingness
to learn. Let this serve as a lesson to anyone reading this.. Love is like a
piece of artwork; it doesn’t speak in human vocabulary but speaks volumes.
Nonetheless everybody has an opinion but you must speak, most importantly it
always tells you what you want to hear (modality is limitless) as long as its
true and you believe in it.
This experience I will
never forget or regret, it hurt me and healed me, and you were my 6th sense,
7th wonder of my archived life experiences, my humanity, my cure to desert
places, my intervention, my gift and my curse, my history, my err and my mercy
and my hearts intent. I have learnt my lesson and I have come to the conclusion
that you were more than a woman. You were divine! and i lost you. oh sweet chocolate raindrops.
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